I once coached a senior executive named Tom who prided himself on handling challenges alone. He believed that being a strong leader meant solving problems independently. But during a particularly demanding project, he became overwhelmed and stuck. In our coaching sessions, we explored how his self-reliance was actually working against him, creating unnecessary stress and preventing his team from fully engaging.
One day, Tom decided to approach things differently. During a team meeting, he openly shared his challenges and asked for input. The response was immediate. His team engaged, offering insights and solutions. The project moved forward more smoothly, and Tom realized something crucial: true leadership requires including others, trusting your team, and making requests that activate their strengths.
Why Leaders Resist Asking for Help
Many leaders resist asking for help because they fear losing control. They worry about whether the work will get done correctly, whether they’ll still be respected, or whether delegating will slow things down.
But leadership has never been about knowing or doing everything. It’s about enabling your team to function effectively. When leaders don’t ask for help, they create friction in three key ways.
Bottlenecking progress. By trying to control everything, leaders slow down decision-making and execution. The team sits idle waiting for direction or approval that could have been shared from the start.
Underutilizing the team. When leaders don’t delegate or ask for input, employees feel disengaged or undervalued. Over time, they stop offering ideas altogether because they’ve learned their contributions aren’t welcome.
Increasing personal stress. Taking on too much leads to burnout, frustration, and decreased performance. The leader who tries to carry everything alone eventually runs out of capacity, and the team feels the impact.
As I highlight in Leading at the Speed of People, one of the biggest obstacles in leadership is the friction we create for ourselves by refusing to trust our teams. Asking for help removes this friction, allowing teams to work together more effectively.
How Asking for Help Builds Stronger Teams
When leaders let go of control and share the work, the impact shows up quickly.
Trust grows. People feel valued when their contributions matter. A leader who asks for input is signaling that they respect what their team brings to the table. That signal builds loyalty and engagement over time.
Decision-making improves. More perspectives lead to stronger solutions. The leader who thinks they have to have all the answers is limiting the team to one viewpoint. The leader who invites input gets the benefit of the full room.
Stress decreases. Spreading responsibility prevents burnout. When the weight of every decision and every deliverable doesn’t sit on one person’s shoulders, the leader has the mental space to think clearly and lead with composure.
Engagement increases. Employees take greater ownership when they’re involved in the process. People who feel like their voice matters will invest more energy, more creativity, and more commitment to the outcome.
Practical Strategies for Sharing the Work
If you’re a leader who tends to carry everything yourself, here are six ways to start shifting that pattern.
Recognize that leadership isn’t about doing it all. Your role is to lead, not carry the full load. Trust your team’s abilities. They were hired for a reason, and giving them the opportunity to contribute is how they grow.
Reframe how you think about asking for help. Asking for help doesn’t signal weakness. It signals that you’re smart enough to use all the resources available to you. The strongest leaders are the ones who know what they don’t need to do themselves.
Start small. Delegate one task this week and observe how it builds confidence in your team. You don’t have to hand over your biggest project on day one. Start with something manageable and build from there.
Make clear requests. Be specific about what needs to be done and why. Vague delegation creates confusion and sets people up to fall short. When you’re clear about the outcome you need, your team can deliver.
Give up perfection. Accept that things may not always be done exactly how you would do them. That’s okay. The goal is progress and team development, not a perfect replica of what you would have produced on your own.
Show appreciation. Acknowledge and value the contributions of others. This reinforces positive behaviors, develops healthy relationships, and makes people more willing to step up the next time you ask.
Take a Moment to Reflect
Do you try to control everything, or do you trust your team? What fears hold you back from asking for help? Consider how this impacts your stress levels, your team’s engagement, and your overall productivity.
This week, try letting go of just one thing. Delegate a task, ask for input in a meeting, or share responsibility for a decision. Notice how it reduces friction, increases engagement, and makes leadership feel less heavy.
When you stop creating unnecessary resistance and start leading at the speed of people, everything flows more smoothly.
Ready to Lead Differently?
If Tom’s story sounds familiar, if you’re carrying more than you need to and you know something needs to change, coaching can help you make that shift. Book a complimentary 30-minute Leadership Clarity Call and let’s talk about what’s weighing on you and how to lighten the load.
Schedule Your Complimentary Clarity Call
Dr. Julie Donley, EdD, PCC, is a leadership coach, keynote speaker, and award-winning author of Leading at the Speed of People. She helps mid-to-senior level leaders navigate conflict, reduce stress, and lead with clarity, confidence, and calm through the CARE Leadership Model™. Learn more at drjuliedonley.com.