What Are You Putting Up With?

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What Are You Putting Up With?​
by Dr. Julie Donley, EdD, MBA, RN, PCC

Identify what drains your energy, release tolerations, and create more calm, clarity, and joy this season.

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As the holidays approach, our days tend to fill up. Shopping lists grow longer, work deadlines pile up before year’s end, and family expectations begin to surface. While this season is meant to be joyful, it often brings an undercurrent of stress that we accept as normal.

But what if the stress is not about the holidays themselves? What if it is about everything we have been putting up with all year long?

We all tolerate more than we realize. The cluttered kitchen counter. The never-ending to-do list. The colleague who does not follow through. The family conflict that resurfaces every Thanksgiving. These small irritations add up, creating a constant hum of tension beneath the surface. I call them tolerations, the things we quietly put up with that drain our energy and diminish our well-being.

Each toleration adds a bit of friction to your day. You may not notice it at first, but over time that friction slows your momentum and amplifies your stress. It can show up as tight shoulders, sleepless nights, irritability, or the sense that you are doing everything but enjoying none of it.

We often think stress comes from what is happening around us, but more often it is the result of what we keep putting up with. Every unresolved issue, every unspoken frustration, every boundary we ignore, each takes a quiet toll on our health and peace of mind.

This time of year, those tolerations multiply. We overspend on gifts, overcommit to gatherings, overeat, and overlook our need for rest and solitude. We tell ourselves it is temporary, that it is just the holidays, but our bodies and minds still pay the price.

So, what can you do differently this season?

1. Notice what drains you.​
Pay attention to the moments when your body tightens or your patience fades. Maybe it is the cluttered space, the family tension, or the expectation that you will do it all. Awareness is the first step to change.

2. Name it.​
Write down everything you are putting up with, big and small. Sometimes just seeing it on paper brings clarity and relief.

3. Choose one thing to address.​
You cannot fix it all at once, but you can lighten your load. Maybe it is saying no to one event, setting a spending limit, or asking for help. Each small step creates breathing room and restores your energy.

Over time, this practice becomes a new mindset, a way of being that prioritizes your well-being and reduces unnecessary stress. You will start noticing friction sooner, addressing it faster, and protecting your peace more intentionally.

When you put your well-being first, you show up with greater calm, clarity, and connection. You will not only enjoy the season more, but you will also bring a steadier, more peaceful presence to those around you.

Would you like to go deeper?
I have created a practical worksheet, “What Are You Putting Up With? 7 Steps to Reduce Stress and Reclaim Your Energy,” to help you identify and eliminate the hidden stressors that weigh you down.

Email me at info@DrJulieDonley.com for your complimentary copy and begin this season with more calm, clarity, and joy.

Take a moment to reflect:​
What are you putting up with that is keeping you from fully enjoying this season?
What small change could you make this week to protect your energy and peace of mind?

Until next time, happy leading!

To your success,

Dr. Julie

P.S. Want to learn ways to decrease your stress, navigate conflict, or present yourself more powerfully? Schedule a consult today for a Leadership Clarity Session at https://calendly.com/drjuliedonley/consult.

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