Managing Stress from the Inside Out: Focus on What You Can Control

Managing Stress from the Inside Out: Focus on What You Can Control

Take control of stress by leading yourself with intentional thoughts, emotions, and actions.

by Dr. Julie Donley

Stress is a part of life — but too often, we experience it as something happening to us, something beyond our control. In reality, stress isn’t just about external events. It’s about how we interpret and respond to those events.

The good news? Because stress happens inside us, we have the power to influence it.

A simple but powerful way to regain that sense of control is to focus on what I call having a cup of T-E-A: Thoughts, Emotions, and Actions. These are always within your control — and when you manage them intentionally, you lead yourself through stress with greater calm, clarity, and resilience.

Let’s take a closer look at each one.

Manage Your Thoughts to Reduce Stress

Your thoughts shape your experience of stress. It’s not just what happens to you — it’s how you think about what happens.

When your mind spirals into worry, fear, or worst-case scenarios, stress intensifies. But when you intentionally focus your thoughts on what you can control, what’s possible, and what steps you can take, stress begins to release its grip.

Try this:

• Notice when your thoughts are fueling fear, frustration, or helplessness.
• Challenge catastrophic thinking by asking, “Is this thought helpful? Is it even true?”
• Redirect your focus to what you can influence — your response, your attitude, your next step.

While you may not control your first thought, you can always choose the next one.

Manage Your Emotions to Protect Your Peace

Emotions are powerful messengers. They arise in response to your thoughts and experiences, offering clues about what matters to you. But when left unchecked, emotions can fuel reactivity and amplify stress.

Managing your emotions doesn’t mean suppressing them — it means observing them without judgment and responding thoughtfully.

You can lead your emotions by:

• Noticing: Pause and observe what you’re feeling.
• Naming: “I’m feeling anxious.” “I’m feeling frustrated.” “I’m feeling hopeful.”
• Navigating: Choose how you want to respond rather than letting the emotion dictate your behavior.

By naming your emotions, you create the space to respond instead of react. This practice builds emotional resilience and helps you stay grounded in challenging situations.

Manage Your Actions to Strengthen Your Response

Your actions are where change becomes visible. Even when life feels chaotic, you still get to choose how you respond.

Your behavior can either increase your stress — by reacting impulsively — or decrease it — by acting intentionally. Consider this three-step process:

• Pause: Resist the urge to react immediately.
• Assess: Ask, “What action will move me closer to who I want to be?”
• Act: Choose the response that supports your well-being, your values, and your goals.

Each time you respond with intention, you build self-trust and confidence. This is the foundation of self-leadership — and it’s where personal and professional leadership begins.

Take a Moment to Reflect

Where in your life are you focusing on things you can’t control — and how is that affecting your stress level?
What small shift in your Thoughts, Emotions, or Actions could help you reclaim your peace and strengthen your response?

You have more power than you realize.
Small, consistent choices create powerful results over time.
Rather than being overwhelmed by what’s happening outside of you, you strengthen your ability to lead yourself — from the inside out.

Until next time, happy leading!

To your success,

Dr. Julie

​

Want to learn ways to decrease your stress, navigate conflict, or present yourself more powerfully? Schedule a consult today for a Private Coach Session at https://calendly.com/drjuliedonley/consult.

Check out my *NEW* comprehensive leadership course at http://leadingatthespeedofpeople.com.

Learn more on my website at drjuliedonley.com.

​