Finding Calm in a Season of Friction

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Finding Calm in a Season of Friction​
by Dr. Julie Donley

December creates emotional friction. Small mindset shifts and intentional choices restore clarity, confidence, calm, and connection.

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If you’re feeling a little frayed around the edges this month, you’re not alone.

December has a way of pressing on all the tender spots at once. We want a strong finish to the year at work. Family has needs and expectations. Your calendar is crowded, your inbox is full, the days are shorter, and emotions sit a little closer to the surface.

If you’re more tense, more emotional, or just more tired than usual…nothing is “wrong” with you.

You’re experiencing friction. And friction is a normal response to being pulled in too many directions.

Why December Feels Heavier

This time of year, your system is simply absorbing more than usual:

· more decisions

· more emotions

· more expectations

· more requests

· more noise

· more pressure

Meanwhile, your energy is lower, your patience is thinner, and your bandwidth is stretched.

That mismatch of high demand with lower capacity creates emotional friction. And friction makes everything feel heavier than it really is.

This isn’t personal. It’s seasonal. And it happens to almost everyone.

The “Shoulds” of the Season

On top of all that, December comes with a long list of “shoulds”: where you should go, what you should do, how long you should stay, who you should buy for, how you should feel.

But most of those expectations aren’t actually yours. They come from other people’s habits, history, and hopes.

When you say yes to all of it, you lose the energy to enjoy what truly matters. You move from experiencing the season…to just surviving it.

But this is your life and you can lead yourself through this month with intention.

Adopt These Mindsets to Reduce Friction Immediately

Before you say yes to one more thing, anchor yourself in a few mindset shifts:

1. “This isn’t about me.”​
   Other people’s stress usually reflects their overload, not you or your value.
2. “My yes has value.”​
   Every yes costs time, energy, sleep, attention. Choose it like it matters, because it does!
3. “Not everything is mine to carry.”​
   You can care deeply without absorbing everyone else’s tension.
4. “Saying no is clarity, not conflict.”​
   When you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else. Make sure you’re not always saying no to yourself.

Small Shifts That Lower Friction

You don’t need a complete life overhaul to feel more calm, confident, and clear. A few simple practices can make a big difference:

• Pause before reacting.​
  One slow breath before you respond brings your clarity back online.
• Let the moment be the moment.​
  Someone else’s urgency doesn’t have to become your emergency.
• Check for alignment.​
  Ask, “Does this support what I value right now?” If the answer is no, well, that’s your clarity.
• Say yes to connection, not obligation.​
  Choose what brings joy, meaning, or peace, not guilt.
• Set gentle limits.​
  “Yes, I can come and I’ll stay for one hour.” Boundaries are just your values in action.
• Reduce one friction point today.​
  Clear a space, make one decision, or say no to one thing that drains you.
  Small steps create big results.

I recently coached a leader who said, “I feel emotionally stretched in every direction.” She wasn’t failing; she was simply absorbing everything. Once she slowed down, got intentional, and said yes only to what truly mattered, her energy returned. Her team felt steadier because she was steadier.

That’s self-leadership. And it’s available to you, too.

Take a moment to reflect…
​Where are you feeling the most friction this December?

What is one small shift you can make today to protect your energy and say yes only to what truly matters?

As my gift to help you gain clarity, confidence, and calm this holiday season, use the code BONUS100 to receive $100 OFF my self-paced, comprehensive leadership course: Leading at the Speed of People™: Practical Strategies for Navigating Conflict, Enhancing Emotional Intelligence, and Improving Communication. Visit: http://leadingatthespeedofpeople.com and enroll today!

Have an enjoyable holiday season!

To your success,

Dr. Julie

P.S. Want to learn ways to decrease your stress, navigate conflict, or present yourself more powerfully? Schedule a consult today for a Leadership Clarity Session at https://calendly.com/drjuliedonley/consult.

And if you’re ready to elevate your leadership for 2026, use BONUS100 to receive $100 off the full course at http://leadingatthespeedofpeople.com.

Learn more on my website at drjuliedonley.com.