Don’t Take It Personally: The Key to Emotional Freedom

Don’t Take It Personally: The Key to Emotional Freedom

Learn how to stop taking things personally, reduce stress, and improve relationships with practical strategies.

by Dr. Julie Donley

A new client recently shared a challenge she faces in her leadership role. She admitted that she takes things personally, and when she does, her anger gets the better of her. In the heat of the moment, she reacts rather than responds, and her professionalism slips. Sound familiar?

We’ve all been there—feeling stung by a comment, offended by a decision, or frustrated when someone doesn’t behave as we expect. But taking things personally can be a costly habit, both emotionally and professionally.

The Risks of Taking Things Personally

When we internalize others’ words or actions, we:

• Give away our power. Instead of responding with confidence and clarity, we allow external events to dictate our emotions.
• React impulsively. Emotional reactions can damage relationships and reputations, leading to regret later.
• Experience unnecessary stress. Carrying the weight of others’ opinions or behaviors can be exhausting and overwhelming.
• Limit our growth. When we focus on feeling wronged, we miss the opportunity to learn, improve, or seek solutions.

Don Miguel Ruiz, in The Four Agreements, reminds us:

“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

When we take things personally, we make it about ourselves, even though it’s really about them. Ruiz explains that doing this elevates our self-importance—something that can be hard to accept! But understanding this truth is also liberating.

What to Do Instead

If you tend to take things personally, try these strategies:

• Pause before reacting. Notice your emotions and what is happening inside you Is your heart racing? Do you feel tension in your body? Awareness of these physical signals can help you regain control. Then, take a deep breath. Give yourself a moment to assess the situation without immediately responding.
• Ask yourself: Is this really about me? Often, people’s words and actions reflect their own struggles, beliefs, or bad days.
• Be curious. Instead of assuming someone is being intentionally hurtful, ask yourself: What might be going on for them? Could they be stressed, overwhelmed, or dealing with something unrelated? Approaching the situation with curiosity rather than judgment can shift your perspective.
• Reframe the situation. Instead of assuming someone is against you, consider alternative explanations. Maybe they’re stressed, distracted, or unaware of their impact.
• Strengthen your self-worth. The more confident you are in yourself, the less you need external validation.
• Practice detachment. This doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you choose not to take ownership of others’ emotions or behaviors.

Why This Matters

By practicing these skills, you can expect to:

• Feel calmer and more in control in difficult interactions.
• Respond more professionally and effectively in the workplace.
• Experience less stress and frustration in daily life.
• Strengthen your relationships by not assuming the worst.

Letting go of the need to take things personally isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most powerful shifts you can make. When you stop internalizing others’ behavior, you free yourself to focus on what truly matters—your growth, your goals, and your peace of mind.

Take a moment to reflect: Where in your life are you taking things personally? What impact is that having on your relationships and stress levels? How might letting go change your experience?

By noticing these patterns and choosing a different response, you can free yourself from unnecessary stress, improve your relationships, and step into a more confident and resilient version of yourself.

Until next time, happy leading!

To your success,

Dr Julie

Dr. Julie Donley, Nurturing Your Success LLC

Want to learn ways to decrease your stress, navigate conflict, or present yourself more powerfully? Schedule a consult today¾Private Coach Sessions. Learn more on my website.

As a nurse, coach, and award-winning author, Dr Julie was honored in May 2025 as the featured guest in Sistazas Empowered Magazine to celebrate nurses making a difference. “Her latest book, Leading at the Speed of People,” is shifting how we lead in a fast-paced, people-first world.” You can see the article about Dr Julie here – https://empoweredmagazine.sistazaspublishing.com/flip-book/715875/1919356/page/56​